sunset, Monet

My Weird-Ass Curse Strikes Again

On Friday, I was putting on my gorgeous blue silk robe my sister brought me back from Vietnam when the belt flew up and hit me in the eye. It left me with a 2-3 millimeter abrasion over the pupil of my right eye (apparently, the pupil is the most painful place to get an abrasion) that I had to go to the emergency room for (and to the optometrist two more times). I couldn’t see out of that eye for two days and have had to put cream in my eye for the last four.

Sadly, this isn’t unusual. Thank god for fanfiction and movies, that’s all I’m saying.
  • Current Mood
    okay okay
sunset, Monet

The Best News I've Heard in Forever

About nine months ago, I started a new job as the Evening Circulation Supervisor for the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire's library (that title is a fancy way of saying I make sure the students do their work and that the circulation department doesn't get too far behind in their work). I spent the first two months being badly trained, the third month trying to figure out my actual job only to have a job review where I found out that I failed miserably, and the next four months trying to fix things (they even extended my probationary period by three months to make sure). Well, on Thursday I found out that I passed my probationary period and officially have a full-time job. My boss talked to me for 5 minutes and said that the worst thing the students said about me was that I make them work (which is literally my job description). She thought I did a complete 180 degree turn on things and that she was glad that we worked everything out without a lot of drama (I've been there 9 months and having something not be chock full of drama is kind of an achievement. I mean, we've had drama over people stealing our book carts). I'm so happy! I love my job (hate the hours, but I'll probably get into that in another post) and especially love all the time I get to write. It's a nice feeling, having that balance.
  • Current Music
    the clock ticking
  • Tags
sunset, Monet

My nerdiness

How nerdy is it to now have the goal of not only having a library in my future permanent residence, but also a corner in it for a really nice chessboard? I think I've been reading too much X-Men: First Class fanfic.
sunset, Monet

Can I never relax?

So I finished my thesis on Sat. 192 pages, 42 over my goal. Now I just have to get it by my thesis advisor, thesis committee, and defense, and I'll officially have a Master's Degree. Tomorrow I have a day of grading Midterms, finishing observation reports, emailing a professor, and lesson planning ahead.

And I signed up for my first fanfic fest: hs_merlin. More than just a little nervous, but Becky said she'd read it, and I trust her. She won't sugarcoat anything, and I'll need that. Still, why can't I enjoy a few days of rest? Why must I take on more work? Oh, yeah. I'm a born and bred workaholic.
  • Current Music
    Twilight Soundtrack: Eclipse
sunset, Monet

Thank God for Chocolate

In one week, it will be Spring Break and the beginning of my semi-crappy year. I went to Blackfriar's Theatre in Staunton, VA for a class (it was awesome, and I'm going again, but that's not really a part of this right now). While I was there, I found out that my sister was sitting in the city center of Christchurch, New Zealand when the earthquake hit. A few days later, she had moved to a different side of New Zealand when the tsunami in Japan hit. She had tsunami warnings. While nothing came of it, it was still terrifying.

I had a bit of a break from bad things after that, until July. Then I went back to Wisconsin to visit my parents when my dad got a bad infection that kept spreading and spreading. I was probably more scared than most, since I have been a nursing assistant on and off for the last 11 years (working roughly a grand total of 7.5 years). I know everything that can go wrong with an infection, especially when a person does not take the best care of himself and is older, both of which apply to my dad. I spent several days taking care of him and baking like a mad woman to stop worrying about him.

A couple months after this, my mom hurt her knee for the second time. A few months after that (but just before Christmas), my brother got rammed by a bull at work. It ended up bruising his legs so bad that he couldn't walk for two days and had to go into the doctor several times.

On Dec. 28, my cousin committed suicide.

On Friday, I found out that my brother is having problems with his kidney. He only has one, due to a bout with cancer when he was a baby. He's getting a biopsy next week. And even though my mother tells me not to worry, she's spent my entire life making me terrified that something would happen to him. And now I'm officially terrified.I'm dealing with it, but not without a few crying jags and a lot of chocolate.
  • Current Music
    The Civil Wars
sunset, Monet

I slept! Now I gotta do it twice!

Amazing how well a day goes when you finally get some sleep. I got stuff done without feeling like I'm in a fog all the time. It rocked.

Now I have to do it again.

And I didn't need milk. I just needed my teddy bear. No, I'm not five.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
sunset, Monet

Insomnia, insomnia, go away

So damn tired of being so damn tired. I subbed for a friend today and fell asleep while showing a movie in class. I was going on about 4-5 hours of sleep, but still.

I've tried journaling, pills, counting sheep, trying to remember happy dreams, and not letting myself nap. My last resort is warm milk (which I hate). Hopefully, tonight will be better.

Also, hopefully I will get my LJ guru to help me figure this out a little more. She's gotten me into several fandoms, and now I want to actually participate. I have ideas and everything!

But I need sleep and to finish my thesis first. I'm on page 45. I need to be somewhere around 100 by Friday. I'm cutting and pasting from my first draft, but I have to edit most of that so it fits in the story now. And I have to remember exactly what I'm not adding to it, since I don't have time to develop everything the way I want to.
sunset, Monet

Weirdest Two Days I Ever Had (And I've Had Some Weird Ones)

So, a really long time ago I was living with a die hard Republican whom I did not get along with. In order to piss her off, I flaunted my liberalism in her face. What made it incredibly easy was that it was the year "Brokeback Mountain" came out,so I bought the story-to-script book, blasted the soundtrack, and made a lot of noise about going to see it. (My passive-aggressive little sibling techniques came in handy with her.) And then I had an incredibly disturbing dream two days before going. After I saw the movie, I wrote this little ditty about the weird links between the two:

I dreamed two days ago that my mother died. In my dream, I was a busy woman, running out of my house, when my sister called. She told me that my mother had died while my father was driving her to a hospital. I envisioned her words as she said them. I saw the dark road ahead of my father. Flashes of the passing street lamps blared through the side windows. He was wearing a red shirt with white piping. His hair, usually gray and in tufts, was full and riding on his back. My mother was in the passenger’s seat. She wore a white shirt and blue jeans. Her hair was long, however. I have never seen my mother with long brown hair. The car was a boat, huge and old. I believe it was brown or green on the outside. In the backseat, my aunt sat. She had her usual long, dyed black hair. She wore a cigarette shirt and jeans. The strange thing was that this was the aunt my mom couldn’t stand the most. They have bad blood between them, for all their old closeness. My sister told me that my mother had gotten bit by a spider, or maybe my mother had eaten the spider. All I knew was that it was brown. I saw them at some picnic, far in the country and surrounded by green. My father and my aunt had loaded her into the car, and my dad began to drive to the hospital. For some reason, the hospital was miles away. Day faded into night, and I watched the yellow lines in the headlight’s glare. It was so far that my aunt fell asleep in the backseat. She had been talking to my mother, keeping her awake. When she had talked, my mother shivered beside my father. He drove as fast as he could, but he didn’t make it. My mother leaned her head forward. Her long hair covered her face. He thought she had gone to sleep. When she pitched back in the seat, he knew she was dead.

I woke up from my sleep with a knot in my stomach at 4 in the morning. I wanted to throw up and couldn’t. I went to the bathroom and then tried to drink some water, but nothing helped. The knot remained. It kept me from falling asleep again. I went into the living room and watched T.V.

Tonight I saw Brokeback Mountain. This was an awesome film, about love and loss and not reaching for the thing you want the most. It was about thinking you deserved a dirty empty lot, but wanting a wide green field. It was about living without life. Heath Ledger gave a wonderful, understated performance. He’ll probably be nominated for an Oscar. But I couldn’t take my eyes off of Jake Gyllenhaal. It’s not because I have suddenly found him attractive. It was because he was so good. Heath, Ennis, was the soul of the movie, but Jake, Jack, was the heart. He wanted and didn’t hold himself in restraint. He longed for a life with Ennis. He would take the risk so he would be happy, but Ennis wouldn’t. Still he didn’t leave, not til the end. He didn’t know “how to quit [Ennis].” Even when he had a new man to make plans with, he kept Ennis’ shirt. He had restless energy and diverted purpose. He kept the movie beating. Without him, Ennis or Heath wouldn’t have lived. His soul would have been content with his life with Alma, instead of longing to be with Jack. If only he had taken the risk. If only Jack’s heart would have been enough. But the world was too much with him, and he couldn’t leave. He imprisoned Psyche, the butterfly and the soul. Jack merely hid.

The strange thing about the movie is that it has left my stomach in the same knots it had two days ago. I knew when I had the dream that it was connected to the movie in some way. I just didn’t expect the knots or the nausea. I’m not sure these knots will go away any sooner. I think that they’ll take even longer to disperse. After all, my dream was only for fifteen minutes at the most. The movie lasted two hours and fourteen minutes. I sat through most of the credits. This knot will last longer. I only hope it will let me sleep. I hope this movie doesn’t haunt as much as that dream has. I had hoped the movie would end some happy way, and the warning of the knots would be forgotten. The movie didn’t end that way. While I admire it for not doing the happy Hollywood ending, I kind of wish it would’ve. That way sleep would come easier to me tonight. I wouldn’t feel the compulsion to write this all down. I wouldn’t feel like a part of me, a chunk of my center, was gone. I would be smiling and content. Instead, I’m disturbed. And I hate it.
  • Current Music
    Beatles
sunset, Monet

Grad School's Starting

So year two in grad school officially started today. I don't have any classes to teach or take until Wed., which means I am officially trying to get everything ready last minute for my classes. I have to read a lot of literary criticism, print off a lot of stuff, organize everything so the day goes smooth, go grocery shopping, get my hair cut, and have lunch with a friend. Okay, the lunch part will be fun. The reading part will suck though. I hate literary criticism, but at least I know a lot of people in my class. That should make it bearable.